My First Blog

A small blog about a small book getting to the top of a very large slush pile… hopefully.

Hello and welcome to my first blog!

I’m writing a book.  The God Damn Book, my family calls it.  My first, and I’m lost within it. 

I’m not functioning in the outside world quite as I used to.  Dishes pile high, the laundry basket is growing mold.  I’m late for everything. 

Our dust has become so grimy it traps live flies and insects.  Our spiders sidle about bulging at the abdomen.  No longer the need to spend endless hours weaving webs.  They crawl along my kitchen windowsill lapping up the latest dust victims with their fangs.

Stray ants roam our pantry.  There’s always a tasty potato moulded to the shelf at least two years past its prime.

Please don’t ask me about our toilets.  The Pubaholic’s stopped using them.  He claims the toilets on the building site are more hygienic.

Welcome to my first blog.  Here we shan’t feel guilty.  Leave those dishes.  Pick up your ragged notebook.  Let your creativity spill word by word.  We shall spur each other on.

Of course, should I publish the God Damn Book, all will be forgiven. 

So, that’s my mission.  To conquer that editor’s slush pile.  And I will share my secrets with you along the way.

Every Monday, every Friday, except I realise today is Tuesday.

Let’s journey together.  And in between let’s loose ourselves within our books.  After all, that’s the fun part.

For today, I’ll leave you with a paragraph I once read by an editor of a Melbourne publishing house.  It read something like this,

‘The primary cause of pain for editors is the swelling hunchback.  Hours spent bent over pages slavishly deleting and stabbing manuscripts with nubby pencils leads to hunchbackery (the technical term) and an addiction to codeine. Editorial addictions span further than codeine.  Like all office workers, we have our caffeine dependencies but most editors also have a thing for hard liquor.  This isn’t entirely because we’re ugly, humpbacked loners, rather it is to wash away the many exclamation marks, misplaced apostrophes and Generation-Y abbreviations we’re exposed to throughout the day.’

Mmm… So that’s what we’re up against.  Tip for the day – Think twice before sending in your manuscript without a good professional edit.

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10 Comments

Filed under Inspiring Articles

10 responses to “My First Blog

  1. whtyes11

    Congratulations on your first post Gemma. Cant wait to join you on this fantastic journey as you share your weekly insights. And remember, it’s not if, but when, you publish the God Damn Book!

  2. Excellent Gemma. A blog for all aspiring writers. The last comment is especially relevant. Nothing puts an editor/publisher off a work of genius quicker than a typo, even just a misplaced comma – but it’s extraordinary how many slip through.

  3. Congratulations. What a lovely honest piece of writing, informative and funny. Will look forward to reading it.

  4. Sheila

    Loved your first post Gemma, made me feel better about my untidy house! Toys littered everywhere! So more power to your elbow with publishing your book. Great start with the writing here anyway.

  5. Rose Bunnage

    Do you think Hemingway, Rankin, whoever, you name them, did their dishes?

  6. Pip.

    Gemma, I don’t really understand this modern technology but somehow managed to read your blog, you write beautifully and gave even we none writers something to think about. Loved the article on stillness too, as I sit up in bed nursing my broken ribs after falling down the stairs, thank you, you’ve cheered me up. Love to you all in Aus. Pip. Xxxxx

  7. Pip.

    Apoplogies for my none typo!!! Hadn’t got my specs on, should have been non writers!! Xx

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